Drunken thoughts

Drunken stories and emotions from the heart can no longer be the start. I tried so hard to make it work but unfortunately it left my emotions out to lurk. Who can hold my hand and tell me it'll be okay? To be honest, I think about you everyday. If only I could, I'd muster the courage to be able to let you know that you and I should. Take care of me. I'll let you. Tell me we could start something new.

the lamb

For the past few days I've been too busy. My mind has been all over the place. I don't know how I was able to forget what happened a year ago. I still can't believe you're gone. I don't understand how you were able to do it. I waited to hear from you but I never did.

I smile whenever I think of you and the night we first met. My eyes would well up and tears would fall when I'd think about the day I heard about your death. I hope you're having an amazing party up there, M.

I miss you, still.
I love you.

Save.

(Where You Go; Young Romans)

I thought we were doing fine. I thought we were doing okay. I was really hoping you wouldn't be like the last one who was perfect but walked away. I'm not looking to blame anyone or point fingers but instead, here I am, trying my best to be someone you can talk to without even asking you, "What's wrong?" I don't know how you got to this point of wallowing in self-inflicted misery and I'm not ready to ask. I told you to leave everything in the past. I told you I'll be right here. You're stuck there and I'm waiting in the present. Grab my hand, I'll get you out of there.

surprises

A surprise for you.
A year has passed and you're greeted with another one with great company by your side, doing the unimaginable for someone like you. You never expected your day to turn out this way. I could tell by the change in your face's expression. Your usual sullen look has turned around to a contented-pushing-it-to-happy smile.

A surprise for me.
I never thought I'd feel this way seeing your face light up. I could feel the warmth and joy around you transcend. I never want to see your face covered with a morose expression. I didn't know this until now but maybe, just maybe, this is how much you really mean to me.

When your best friend breaks up with you

Runaway; Jensen Gomez

You were my best friend and I thought those kinds of relationships would last forever. We talked about doing so many things together.

Go surfing.

Put up a shirt business.

Travel.

Go to the same university.

Even take up the same majors.

I never knew it would hurt so much when you decided to leave me. You didn't even give me a second chance. You left me empty and weary. I didn't know what to do first. I don't know if that even matters.

Be mad.

Be sad.

Feel nothing.

Brush it off.

Give you time.

Try again.

I tried so much. I tried for two years. One day i just came to accept the fact that I had to learn to live without you. I had to let you go. I had to pick myself up. And in the four years that have passed, the new friends I made weren't anything like you.

I still have all the things you gave me. The book you made for my birthday. The notebook for creative purposes. The shirt you never got to wear.

I'd tell my new friends about you and how you asked me to prom. I told them how you made me feel, the one I never got to tell you at all. 

Today I tried again. Now I feel like a child learning how to walk for the first time because it isn't like long time friends who see each other again and hug it out with a long string of stories to match, acting as if lost time is easy to make up for. Because it's not. Four years has passed and I still don't know how to act around you. I'm scared that I might do something to create a greater distance between us.

Four years has passed and we're finally doing all of the things we used to talk about doing together. But we're doing it separately.

Inter-dependent Variables

Sharp Leaves; Brothers In Law

You strung her along and told her things she easily believed. You were always a sweet-talker, she thought love was conceived. You let her believe that everything was real, from the moment you sang to her until the time she could no longer heal. It is taking her forever to realize how much it was not worth it, breathing in, breathing out, what was lost, she couldn't find it. You've stolen something from her, something you can never give back. This is how you repay her kindness, you left her broken with a crack. Shame, something you should feel. But instead you're proud that you treated her like a conquest, as if with your friends, you made a deal.

***

You must not allow yourself to be treated like a plaything.

Bloody Burden and Blunders

Passage; Exitmusic

We carry our own crosses and I can see how terribly hunched your back is from all the weight burdened on your shoulders with no sign of help from anybody within proximity. You look so helpless in the corner, positioned like a fetus. I can see right through you and all the pain you try to hide. You're looking for someone who can understand you and listen to all the things you have to say but you have to take the initiative to say something, anything, even a little quip. I can only try hard enough and do so much because I can never fully let go of the terrible emotions you let me feel despite how much you've changed through the years.